Humor for Life
Humor can make a most cloudy of days 
It can put the most frustrating situation into perspective
It can lower your blood pressure and lift your heart.
Humor helps us see the ridiculousness of situations, laugh at
ourselves and the situations we humans find ourselves.
Laughter is a common thread running through mankind.
We hope the following will help bring a lift to your day along
with a lift to your smile. 
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Religious Humor
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HYMNS FOR ALL THINGS
The Dentist's Hymn:............Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn...There Shall Be Showers of
Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn:......The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn:............ ..Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn:......... ..There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn:.........Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn:.....Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn:...... ..I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn:..............Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn.........Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn:...........Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn:..............I've Got a Mansion,
Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn..He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn:........ ....The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
-----45mph....................God Will Take Care of You
-----55mph....................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
-----65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee
-----75mph....................Nearer Still Nearer
-----85mph....................This World Is Not My Home
-----95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
-----Over 100mph.......Precious Memories
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RECALL NOTICE
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of
make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve,
resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality,"
or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental Component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect,
is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect.
The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire
burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: 1-800- P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus,
into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulnes
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E.
(Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth)
for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING:
Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any
manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous
to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
DANGER:
The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped
in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent
contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
GOD
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice,
and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail"
- author unknown-
Main Menu
Resources
ELCA News Feed
|
|